urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:coosemak fart fart 2005-12-03T06:42:28Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:coosemak:37428 2005-12-03T06:42:28Z 2005-12-03T06:42:28Z messy urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:coosemak:26039 2005-01-06T04:57:05Z 2005-01-06T04:59:02Z david grey today i was bored so i went to the yale art gallery. i didn't really go to see the gallery i guess. there's one particular painting i know is in their american art exhibit and i had to see it up close. there was a lot of ugly modern art and furniture shit but finally i found the room with all the hopper paintings. i sat for a while and stared at it while two gay guys ooooed and ahhhed over rooms by the sea. <br /><br />sunlight in cafeteria is the most desperately lonely painting i have ever seen. the clincher for me, of course, is that it is a man and a woman sitting in a restaurant (you know, if you cant share a meal with someone you cant love them) and he wants to talk to her but it's too awkward. the whole scene is just completely awkward. she has that look on her face, playing with her thumbs like she knows she's alone but wants it to seem like she's fine with it. she wants him to say something to her. she wants to let him in, to say "hey, sit at this table with me and we'll get to know eachother" but it isnt going to happen. people always say hopper's nighthawks is depressing, but it isnt. too much interaction. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:coosemak:15841 2004-05-08T03:39:29Z 2004-05-08T03:39:29Z ive these schemes of<br />stalking noam<br />goin where he likes to be<br />and then i'd sing<br />him this poem<br />and he would make out with me<br /><br />you know i start them and i never can finish. whoever correctly guesses what song that is gets a prize (me thinking of more lyrics) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:coosemak:14652 2004-04-25T04:59:48Z 2004-04-25T04:59:48Z i hate:<br /><br />people who cant spell(excluding rachel)<br />never knowing what i actually want<br />eating a large chilli(from wendys oh man) and two slices of pizza right before i go to bed<br />when my ankles are itchy<br />when my computer gets all slow and deathly<br />school on monday<br />hangnails<br /><br />i love:<br />sleeping<br />you urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:coosemak:14468 2004-04-22T16:32:07Z 2004-04-22T16:32:07Z Stuff I Like:<br /><br />+ Maroon 5 songs that are really Kara’s Flowers songs<br />+ The word “padded” when used as a verb<br />+ The video for Blink182’s “First Date”<br />+ Stir fried cauliflower<br />+ Foote School in the summer when it’s cloudy<br />+ Feeling someone else’s (clean) bare feet on mine<br />+ When my mom sits on my bed and talks to me<br />+ The way my brother gets really excited when he buys electronics<br />+ T-shirts that just came out of the dryer<br />+ Elvis movies<br />+ The Uncle Scrooge comic book where they fly to some lush planet and make a bridge between that one and another desolate one<br />+ The Ducktales movie holy SHIT <br />+ Running down stairs and jumping off the second to last step<br />+ Actually catching the clock at 11:11<br />+ Picking my big toe nail<br />+ Hemp anklets<br />+ Henry when he wears those really tight pinstripey pants <br />+ Colleen’s hair<br />+ Pictures of lighthouses when the sun is setting<br />+ Guys with sideburns that aren’t really hair, just kind of visible stubble<br />+ Button down shirts with the sleeves rolled up and the collar open<br />+ Rugs that aren’t fluffy, the kind of hard ones that you can bounce a ball on<br />+ When I save my papers with filenames that are unrelated and then I can’t remember which ones they were when I try to look for them<br />+ Random unprovoked mentions in someone else’s livejournal<br />+ Sneezing<br /><br />Stuff I Dislike:<br />- When people have pet names for eachother<br />- Art History<br />- When my brother talks to me about the exciting electronic stuff he buys<br />- Dry Skin<br />- Cities when it's really early in the morning<br />- Burps that feel like you're going to barf<br />- Sitting for a long time<br />- Taking a shower and then sitting around inside and never having your hair dry and feeling gross and weird<br />- Biting my nails than touching my hair <br />- Dust<br />- People talking when I really don't want to listen urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:coosemak:14109 2004-04-16T00:16:37Z 2004-04-16T00:16:37Z it is nearly april vacation and we're rapidly coming up on what i have, during the past several weeks of deep contemplation and sleepless nights, dubbed to be the endgame. <br /><br />i want to be stupid and go lawn shopping<br />i want to get shitfaced like no other<br />i want to lie in bed all morning and then play basketball<br />i want to give in<br />i want to be ignored<br />i want to be overzealous about rap<br />i want to be indecisive<br /><br />do you think that would be a good idea?<br /><br />feel free to play along<br /><br />tonight i drove past the carnival when it was all lit up and i felt this terrible nostlagia for nothing real in particular<br /><br />today in shakespeare i had such an urge to start smoking again but i remembered how weird it felt to not be in control of yourself. and granted it felt really good sometimes but other times it was kind of annoying and you couldn't stop it and then there was the hallucinating thing and i guess that's really been detering me for months. <br /><br />well, actually the last time i smoked for real was with noam, which was after the time i flipped out....when we listened to phish(so cliche!) and painted boxes at the arts and ideas festival and read poetry to eachother. and it was such a clean high and i didn't want it to end. <br /><br /><br />right. enough of that.<br /><br />i feel really detached from this show in terms of my position. but congrats to amanda who got a seceret compliment from mr. nyquist today who said she's been doing so much better this week and is "really opening up in her scenes." way to gooooo douchebag. although the best comments were the quiet, embittered remarks he made about jake not being funny and no knowing his lines and so on and so forth.<br /><br />let's end this entry before we get bored, shall we? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:coosemak:13836 2004-04-12T00:48:40Z 2004-04-12T00:48:40Z just now, i was coloring in my german picture word book when i decided to check livejournal and noticed douchebag mcgee (colleen) had posted and then i thought to myself, jesus fucking christ i havent talked to colleen in weeks. and its been making me very sad and i miss her a lot. like a lot a lot. like she's my special megadyke and i just dont feel like a lesbian without her. so colleen, im going to instant message you riiiight...now urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:coosemak:13316 2004-04-09T22:14:36Z 2004-04-09T22:14:36Z today i was driving to matt's house so we could go play frisbee (which was fun even though i barely even played that particular sport) and aaron copland was playing on NPR and i wanted to absolutely shit myself. i was so excited about it that i waited to hear the end of the song when i stopped at krauszers to get water. awesome.<br /><br />um anyway, related issue is that i think i've always wanted to live out west. but not west like, southern california woo im so cool. rather, old west out west, with a farm and cattle and horses and a semi-log cabin (the logs could just be for decoration) and i'd wake up and it would be the old west, but not too old because then everyone would be shooting eachother. late 1800s would be fine with me. or even early 1900s if that was the best i could get. and it would be really fun, and really pretty, and just..the west. anyone? i think it seems really adventurous to me, which is why i like it. not california..maybe colorado or montana or one of those crap states out there.<br /><br />i shouldnt call them crap!<br /><br />also my other lifelong dream, which i succesfully fulfilled an hour ago, was to play with the nitebrite basketball for the first time this year. <br /><br />maybe i just want to have a farm because the new couches smell like 400 cows had to die to make them. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:coosemak:13160 2004-04-08T08:38:33Z 2004-04-08T08:38:33Z um, do you ever hear random beeping?<br />like an alarm going off but for two seconds and you cant find it?<br />i hear it in my house everyday<br />weird?<br />yeah<br />i think it might be a watch but im not sure<br />mission operative: seek and destroy urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:coosemak:12827 2004-04-07T04:16:29Z 2004-04-07T04:16:29Z today was one of the first days in a while that i felt like shit<br /><br />like i really felt like shit all day. i overslept, fucked rachel over, didnt make amanda breakfast, didnt do any work. didnt change for gym. came home dead tired and cleaned my room alllllllll afternoon, didnt get to sleep. went to the second seder at family friends, left at 11:15, we werent even done but i had to come home so i could do work and such, had all these funny stories from dinner that i cant even remember. <br /><br />i could read them forever and still wish it was then urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:coosemak:12681 2004-04-05T22:48:43Z 2004-04-05T22:48:43Z i figure i should update now since the next break i get will be when it's time to go to bed.<br /><br />umm, lets see<br />came home early, helped my mom clean which was really, really annoying. spent 20 minutes looking for macaroons in stop and shop with my mom yelling into the phone about where i should look and maybe i should just buy the coconut stuff and make the macaroons myself and isnt that a good idea? ok mom. great idea.<br /><br />run into five million jewish people, all probably doing the same thing as me. come home. clean more. polished the kiddush cups (oh jesus im so jewish)and then i set the table, my family was quite disappointed when i told them amanda couldn't come..my brother said now he'd have to actually talk to other people. ummmm i tried the turkey when my mom wasnt looking, that was a fun stealth mission. and you know what? the UCONN GAME IS ON IN 3 HOURS BABY. also my dad was just carving the turkey and i ate half of it. and you know what else? i discovered that snapple (Well, diet raspberry iced tea, at least) is kosher for passover!<br /><br />it will be on in my brothers room. i will excuse myself every few minutes. everyone will think i have diarrhea. woot. so thats it until later when maybe i can sneak away. dinner is soon. the gears are churning to a new john mayer song about passover. and i guess since its mostly about slavery, renee can like it too. sorry colleen. im thinking to the tune of no such thing..<br /><br />welcome to the exodus <br />he said to me<br />dominatingly<br />part the seas<br />take your strife<br />don't forget that i own your life urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:coosemak:12310 2004-04-04T05:22:36Z 2004-04-04T05:22:36Z things of importance:<br /><br />1) until just now, i had not opened my refridgerator once today. kind of weird, right?<br />2) i've been reading a lot of mary oliver lately. and then when i go read other pieces of literature, ones that aren't particularly about nature, i don't like them because, well..they aren't about nature. <br />3) uconn fucking WON. holy shit, they played so badly the entire game but at the end, it was almost like..ok, we'll just play a little now so we can win. like they knew they were going to be fine the whole time and then when it got down to it, just played a little harder.<br />4) JOHN MAYER AND MAROON 5 ON AUGUST 15TH (pre-sale on wednesday!)<br />5) where did my comedic timing and humorous nature go? lately i feel like every joke i make is one of the following: bad, funny and unappreciated, criticized until it wasnt funny anymore, or terribly forced. i think i sort of had it back tonight, but for the past couple days its felt very..absent. good word usage daf<br />6) being british never, ever gets old. ever.<br />7) {monkey noises}<br />8) my face has been really messy lately, which i think i can attribute to a cold im in the process of getting. really now, wtf.<br />9) WICKED DURING APRIL BREAK....i hope.<br />10) so tired urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:coosemak:6899 2004-02-09T02:44:37Z 2004-02-09T02:44:37Z umm so i was just thinking, as i looked through people who i dont really know but who are friends with people i know profiles, (did that make sense? im talking about their profiles) i see the lego porn thing everywhere. did i start that trend by putting it in my profile?<br />i'd like to think im just that cool.<br /><br />unfortunately, however, i am not.<br /><br />today i was pulling out of kirra's driveway and my tires started burning and it smelled bad and i spun out and went onto herlawn and then i like flew back into the driveway and sped up and hit the curb.<br /><br />it was really great.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />steve trying to tell me to succeed:<br />trickskis360: i only want you to sucide urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:coosemak:6187 2004-02-06T01:12:19Z 2004-02-06T01:12:19Z I said<br />"Honey, I don't feel so good, dont feel justified<br />Come on put a little love here in my void,"<br />he said<br />"It's all in your head," <br />and I said, <br />"So's everything" <br />But he didn't get it<br /><br />i have discovered the joys of actually rolling down the street<br />granted i wasnt smoking endo<br />or sipping on gin and juice<br />but i was laid back<br />with my mind on my monKey<br />and of course, my monkey on my mind urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:coosemak:5694 2004-02-03T00:57:04Z 2004-02-03T00:57:04Z ummm i dont want an assistant to the director<br />they just get in the way and undermine my authority and think they know everything and eat out the directors ass<br /><br />pre-apologies in case anyone who reads this is director's assistant for the show<br />but im going to dislike being around you<br />at least you wont be rachel reynolds.<br /><br /><br /><br />...or will you...<br /><br />maybe i have gotten funnier over the last year. not like haha funny. like sarcastic and witty funny. maybe..yeah. maybe i was totally funny before. it was just not a very advanced sort of humor..maybe my brother just came in to tell me how he can't stop peeing<br /><br />maybe if i fail tomorrow i will drive into oncoming traffic and just end it there urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:coosemak:5589 2004-02-02T01:18:34Z 2004-02-02T01:18:34Z i downloaded a lot of music today<br />mostly Mae and the postal service<br /><br />i kind of like the postal service, there's something very calming about them and their electronica<br /><br />whenever i sit here and type something, i always pause and stare at the smiling face of Paula Zahn taped to my wall. she's like my guardian angel. asking and answering the days most challenging questions..she's PAULA ZAHN NOW!<br /><br /><br /><br />but anyway, i went outside to get the groceries from the car and the moon is like, disturbingly bright. the sky was very clear and everything was bright and glowy and it was all very mesmorizing. cold and mesmorizing.<br /><br />thats what she said<br /><br />and honestly, thats all i have to say<br />because nothing is going on at all urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:coosemak:5140 2004-02-01T17:43:43Z 2004-02-01T17:43:43Z i feel really hungover right now. i dont particularly understand why seeing as i didn't do anything last night.<br /><br />also, what? i feel like its still yesterday<br />how is it sunday already urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:coosemak:4755 2004-01-23T02:56:05Z 2004-01-23T02:56:05Z i realized tonight how disgustingly ungrateful and impatient i am<br />especially with my family<br />it makes me want to cry urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:coosemak:3843 2004-01-16T01:44:22Z 2004-01-16T01:44:22Z that was probably the funniest laskin dinner in months<br />i honestly almost started peeing in my pants urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:coosemak:3396 2004-01-15T02:07:08Z 2004-01-15T02:07:08Z dar williams i had a really good today<br /><br />ive actually been having really good days lately<br /><br />so thats it, really<br /><br />its a shame that i cant think of everything thats been great<br /><br />but they happened<br /><br />sooooo yeah urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:coosemak:3296 2004-01-14T01:24:57Z 2004-01-14T01:24:57Z fiona apple when i was little i always wanted to be in the middle. my brother and sister were both way older and had eachother and i was always the baby. i suppose i still am.in any case, i always wanted to be the slightly cool younger sibling who was better than the really younger one at least, or the slightly cool older sibling who wasnt as condescending as the oldest one but still sort of more mature. <br /><br />i never wanted to be oldest. that sort of set you apart from the others in that you were the first and the parents counted on you more and you probably had to babysit your younger counterparts. and of COURSE you always frowned down upon the misbehavings of your siblings- stupid little idiots. and also it gave you free reign to continuously call your little sister a brat until she threw a pasta colander at you. <br /><br />being the youngest, in my first hand experience, sucked. you never got to be in on the inside jokes and there was always that weird alliance between the older brother and sister where they thought they knew what was best for you. also remember the time your sister made you hold her hand crossing the street in new haven the summer before freshman year? yeah, that was odd. <br /><br />to me, sibling interaction is a really good model for social interaction.<br /><br />but lately i've decided the middle kind of sucks too. you have to perform this balancing act and someone is always being neglected. when you spend your time with one, the other notices. and when they notice, you notice they've noticed. so you spend your time with them but you know that A) you're doing it out of feeling bad and B) the one that you spent your time with to begin with will get pissed.<br /><br />and so its cycle. a delicate, volatile cycle that never ends- it only takes breaks. and there's no way to fix it. only ways to perpetuate it until you think theres no way to get out. but i suppose eventually it just takes care of itself.<br /><br />right? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:coosemak:2877 2004-01-11T08:43:28Z 2004-01-11T08:43:28Z johnny m i take back what i said about enjoying not having connections with people.<br /><br />i mean, i still mean it sort of. but in a way i think it's less of having some sort of deeper understanding- it's more of a cycle that occurs within a friendship or relationship. you can go for months at a time playing with a full deck of cards and after a certain amount of time passes, some cards get lost and you can't play the game anymore. my question is mainly what comes after this happens.<br /><br />sigh. emily imed me and now im completely lost in my train of thought. i was going somewhere i think.<br /><br />in any case, this always feels nice.<br /><br />Vanillafrog: if you were cool the lava would freeze or something<br />ecRaZy33: is that possible<br />Vanillafrog: sure it is<br />ecRaZy33: like that town that got covered in lava what is it called<br />ecRaZy33: in italy<br />ecRaZy33: it;s like preservedc<br />Vanillafrog: pompeii<br />ecRaZy33: yes!<br />ecRaZy33: smart girl i wouldn't have been able to sleep if i didn't remembr it<br /><br />lets all keep in mind how drunk she is urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:coosemak:2589 2004-01-10T18:12:28Z 2004-01-10T18:12:28Z yellowcard- ocean avenue i found SPACE CAMP!!<br />YES my favorite movie that i got on dvd this summer and thought i lost but really it was in my basement and lets hear it for no punctuation foooools<br /><br />i love realizing that i have absolutely no connection with people. like when you talk to someone and they keep talking and you just dont even care. its strangely relaxing. oh also, yeah. i dont know its just puts me in a good mood.<br /><br />is that terrible?<br /><br />im voluntarily cleaning my room<br /><br />kill urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:coosemak:2384 2004-01-09T23:06:18Z 2004-01-09T23:06:18Z john mayer- daughters i had a really great day today<br /><br />and look how amazing this is, i can shamelessly post what song im listening to because this was such a short entry. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:coosemak:1582 2004-01-06T22:48:54Z 2004-01-06T22:53:45Z depeche mode- dream on Talking was difficult. Instead<br />we gathered coloured pebbles<br />from the places on the beach<br />where they occured.<br /><br />They were sea-smoothed, sea-completed.<br />They enclosed what they intended<br />to mean in shapes<br />as random and neccesary<br />as the shapes of words<br /><br />and when finally <br />we spoke<br />the sounds of our voices fell<br />into the air single and<br />solid and rounded and really<br />there<br />and then dulled and then like sounds<br />gone, a fistful of gathered<br />pebbles there was no point<br />in taking home, dropped on a beachful<br />of other coloured pebbles<br /><br />and when we turned to go<br />a flock of small<br />birds flew scattered by the<br />fright of our sudden moving<br />and disappeared: hard<br /><br />sea pebbles<br />thrown solid for an instant<br />against the sky<br /><br />flight of words. <br /><br /><br /><br />I got a B- on my ap stat project without much actual work involved. I think this might actually bring my grade up to a C. I think I just might be okay.